It's All Over!

It’s All Over!

I knew this day was coming.  I could feel it in my heart and soul.  The weight that my family has carried has been bearing down so heavily that at times it felt like we were suffocating.  We felt scared, hurt, angry, hope, fear and a wide range of emotions in between.  We’ve been on all ends of the spectrum of emotions in the last three months.

I remember getting the call saying that I needed to bring Avery to Altru to get admitted.  I remember collapsing in my bedroom crying saying something had to be wrong with her heart.  I’ll never forget the Dr and Nurse walking into her room at 2am to tell me that there were more breaks.  The anger I felt when Matt was removed from our home and we were told the girls would go to foster care if my mother didn’t stay.  The hopelessness of Avery’s declining health and the tube being put in.  I remember researching and trying to find out what caused this.  I knew it wasn’t us so something HAD to be in there.  It just had to be.  I remember feeling lost and alone and crying so much.  I’ve cried more in the last three months than I have compounded into my entire life.  I was swollen and puffy.  Terrified and sleepless.  I remember realizing we had no choice, we had to get a lawyer.  When we called lawyer after lawyer and were told it was $10,000 to retain them I felt like we would never win. 

I remember everything.  The thin, frail body of Avery when we finally got her admitted.  The plump, happy healthy baby she became after getting her g-tube.  I have a lot of positives to take away from this nightmare. 

Avery is healthy.  Sure, she has a tube.  She has a rare bone disease.  She is still failure to thrive.  She is going to be tiny.  We are going to have to change our lives a lot. 

But, she is healthy.

My family is happy.  We have had one hell of a time the last few months.  So many downs.  Down upon down.  Every peak of happiness was followed by a canyon of down. 

But, we are happy.

I am more educated and more confident in my ability to manage Avery’s medical/health care and make decisions without fear.  I can speak up for my daughter. 

I am her advocate.

I have made contact with more families than I ever knew that have also had run-ins with the Doctor on base.  Families with stories that are too hard to believe.  Too heart-breaking to imagine.  Some of those families will never be whole again.

I have realized that there are only imaginary walls in the justice of the military.  By speaking up, speaking out against the Pediatrician who is so widely praised as being perfect with kids, I have found comfort in knowing that those who are most likely to be targeted have changed their PCM, switched from Prime to Standard, or just watched what they say in an effort to protect themselves.  What better justice is there?  She can’t hurt people who refuse to be treated by her. 

Again, this is my opinion of how it happened.  She has her opinion of me.  Her opinion is worthless in my eyes. 

But, it is over.  And I can (and plan on) moving on with life immediately.  We will never be the same.  I will never trust a Doctor fully.  I will never use a military doctor again.  I will request records frequently for all visits.  I will be the protector of my children.  I will take notes in an effort to proactively ensure that we never go through this nightmare again.

But I am moving on.  Onto bigger things.  Onto better things.  I will look  back and say that I did the best I could to protect her, I trusted wrongly.  I will look back and say that I won.  I won my own life back from the monster of all monsters.  I will smile and laugh.  I will speak up.  I will always speak out against this tragedy that happened to our family. 

 

A lot of people have asked us when we are leaving.  The answer is simple – as soon as the military moves us.  We are hoping to be out of the frozen tundra by March.  We are hoping to move south.  We are hoping to be able to transition smoothly into a new life. 

I can’t even explain how much of a sigh of relief I felt when I heard that the Judge had signed off on the release of custody.  That “no services required” meant that it was only a matter of time before it was released. 

It is time for our family to adjust to what is now our new norm.  Our new norm without an investigation, fear of anything and everything going wrong.  We will develop a new norm!

Thank you all so very much.  We have been so blessed by each of you who has prayed for our family, supported us during our weakest and most trying moments.  We have been honored to share the story of sweet Avery Starr.  We have been amazed by the outpouring of support and love.  We have been incredibly shocked and stunned at how many people have stepped forward along side us to take a stand against this nightmare happening.

Thank you so, so much.  Our family has a greatly extended family because of this.  We are blessed beyond compare by each and every one of you.  Thank you.  From the depths of our souls, Thank you.