An Alternative Must Exist.

Osteopenia of prematurity was officially ruled out today.  This burdens my soul in a way I can’t even begin to explain.  Apparently after consulting with A's NICU Dr's and reviewing everything they feel as though OOP would have resolved itself prior to these fractures. 

I couldn’t sleep last night.  I was up until 4am running everything in the past 6 months through my head.  Writing, thinking, writing, thinking….crying.  How is this happening?  It’s a nightmare, right?  I’m going to wake up, right?

We’re in the military.  We don’t have money for a lawyer.  We’re going to go into debt to keep a child that should be ours to begin with.  It’s literally a nightmare.

Today, November 12^th, is the day before A turns 6 months old.  In the last six months we have been through so much…but I wouldn’t change a single minute of it.  This little girl has changed my world in ways I can’t describe.  She’s amazing.  She’s incredible. 

A pulled her NG tube out again this morning.  I turned my head for two seconds and she pulled it out.  Dr P came in right after it happened – it’s the fourth time in a week that she has pulled it out.  Luckily (I use this word ironically), because A keeps pulling her tube out, we can’t go home.  (Not that we’re going home together anyway…) In any case, if she pulls her tube out while we are out on the base then we can’t put it back in without medical assistance.  If there is a blizzard we will be unable to come into town to have it placed.  Since A is 100% reliant on the tube for nutrition at this point, she can’t get sent home with an NG.

Dr P is consulting with the GI specialist in Fargo to talk about placing a G-tube.  I’ll be honest and say I have no idea about a g-tube.  I don’t know anything about it.  I’m going to put my researchers hat on in a few minutes and delve into every detail I can.  

I also got amazing news this morning from Dr P.  She feels like we should go ahead and do the genetic consult while we are here!!! We have been praying for this.  Apparently this geneticist is amazing and we are elated that we will have the opportunity to meet with him prior to discharge. 

Dr P also let me know that A is not looking at discharge until at least the end of the week – if it happens this week at all.  While most parents would be sad to hear those words, for my family right now, we are rejoicing.  More hospital time means more time to find out what is happening.  More hospital time means more time with our child.  More hospital time means more time for the Dr’s, RN’s and CPS investigation to discover the alternative to child abuse – an alternative that must exist.